Alright, haven't update in a while....
I'm taking off to New York. I had a really delicious Italian dinner with my 2 sisters & an amazing woman from L.A. I've been seeing, then spent the night w/ the latter. She's been such a great supportive & balancing influence. So intelligent & sweet. :) Then we said our goodbyes & I moved everything out of my bedroom & painted it in the last 48 hours of my residency. Painting took me thrice as long as it should've 'cause I kept stopping & leaning against a wall to contemplate my situation: The room was totally empty & newly bright white (after being burgundy for a couple years), & no1 could tell I'd ever been there. I thought of how I'd like to dispose of my things & myself when I knew I was going to die. I just stopped talking to my parents. They're great in everything except that we just can't get along. I considered how my family is a safety net, & how beautiful the full range of possibilities are that can happen w/out a safety net, including failure, poverty, criminal victimization, death.... Regarding communicating w/ my parents, I just can't get myself to overlook personal offenses & keep adding to my suppressed anger no matter how much material support is there. It's just not worth it. Wealth is internal: I'd rather live in my car & still have my identity if it came down to that...& it might:
I've discontinued all
my lessons w/ my guitar students (w/
a member of Fu Manchu filling in for me). My friend & I thought we'd be on our way to N.Y. by now, but the schedule keeps shifting. I offered my car to a brother in
our Order, 'cause my friend was gonna drive, but now it looks like we both will: me in my Civic wagon & he on his motorcycle. I feel a little better about having a car there, though--better security that I'll have a means to move my things when/if necessary. I think I need to talk my friend into sticking around here another month. He has business to wrap up, & a court appointment at the end of the month, & also hopefully N.Y. won't be quite as freezing at that time. Such bumps as these that keep coming up in plans seem to have positive sides to them if I'm just willing to look for them & take advantage of what is there being offered. For example, in this case, I'm sitting around w/out a home or work, but I've always wanted to try a 10-day
Vipassana meditation retreat. Now's the perfect chance so I've applied to do so. (It's free--they get by on voluntary donations from previous "retreaters".)
Lenny Breau's daughter contacted me. It was a pleasure & honor to meet her over the phone, because
Lenny's been such a supreme inspiration to me, & her documentary on
him,
"The Genius of Lenny Breau", has been as well. She's looking for some1 she spoke w/ in the U.S. previously, but long enough ago that she's lost his phone # & forgotten his exact name. She thinks his name or surname began w/ a "B". I think the point of her interest is that he owned 1 of
Lenny's guitars, & seemed to be considering parting w/ it. If you happen to have a lead on this, please let me know so I can pass it on.